Adam

This post is a personal one. 

I did the only thing I knew how to do when I was in pain and that was write, so here goes. One of my most cherished friends, Adam, passed away yesterday. 

It is with an extremely heavy heart and tears rolling down my face that I type that. I am struggling to find the words to write, so instead I am going to tell you about him. 

The first thing I want to say is that Adam was my biggest fan, my greatest supporter. From the day I met him. It stings knowing that he'll never read this, but I know he is watching over me as I am writing it. He shared all of my social media posts with his friends, always encouraging people to follow along. He was such a cheerleader for everything I did. I always felt really reassured because of this. He told me often how proud he was of me and it meant so much, knowing that I had someone who truly believed in everything I did. He would send me "daily reminders", he would call them, where he'd tell me that I was amazing. His encouragement and belief in me was everything I needed and more. 

I never doubted how much of a good friend he was. We went through a lot together and just hearing his kind words soothed my soul. He had the most positive, infectious energy. He knew how to turn everything that was seemingly negative, into a learning lesson, or something worthwhile. His incredible attitude was his strength. He fought how he knew to best, with a smile on his face and laughter as his medicine. 

Adam's music taste was phenomenal. He actually introduced me to SO many artists and bands that I now love. He loved music and his passion shone through every time he would enthuse about a new song or album. His legacy will certainly live on via my Spotify! We saw Ten Tonnes in concert, another singer Ads introduced me too, and afterwards we were staying at mine and singing the songs as we hung out. Missing You by TT has another meaning now. Listening to TT now and feeling close to you. Adam was the sort of person you could completely be yourself around. Because of this, I always felt so confident around him. There was no need to pretend to be someone I wasn't. He accepted everyone for who they were and never judged a soul. 

Every day (well when we both remembered!) we would message each other 11:11, at 11:11. It started just after we met, just as something we did, and as time went on, it became a thing, where even if we hadn't spoken that much that day, we knew that we were thinking of each other. Looking back at the messages now make me smile, especially the ones where he expressed how proud he was at remembering to message it.

Ads, 

knowing I'll never get an 11:11 text from you again breaks my heart. But 11:11 is the angels number, and whenever I see it again, I'll know you are here with me. 

Even though I joked that my Mum loved you more than me, and vice versa, I loved the friendship that you both built. You'd message her more than me! :) Your chats about football and everything in between, were always a highlight of "Big Kazz's" or "Kazza B"'s (as you called her) day and you would always tell me how much liked having your own "personal therapist" too.

You bullied me for getting drunk off VK's but you made sure my birthday so special with an endless supply of them. I hope heaven has the best flavours unlike Moo Moos! ;) 

My fellow posh crisp enthusiast. I can't count the number of conversations we had about posh crisps and which ones were the best. Kettle Chips were our go to, but we also loved Co-Ops irresistible ones. If anyone is looking for recommendations lol. Whenever I saw you, we were either eating family sized bags of posh crisps to ourselves or a McDonalds, because you know, we both loved a cheeky maccies too, whether it was the morning after (the only acceptable cure!) or a "light snack" :D

You had so many dreams, wishes and hopes for the future. You wanted to see the world (including seeing the Eagles play!), make memories with your friends, get married, have kids, the list is endless. You were so ambitious. And talented! With your studies, with your writing! You knew everything there was to know about American Football (which I didn't, but I did manage to remember it was the Eagles that you liked, and when I was in Arizona I found you the coolest pair of Eagles socks!) and I loved your enthusiasm about everything. You just oozed joy. Never a dull moment with you. I hope to carry some of yours hopes with me, I admire your dedication.

Hummus. Bees. Wifey/Hubby. 11:11. Heyyy Guyyys. Daily reminders. You never understanding idioms and classic sayings that I'd have to explain all the time. Blue or purple? Premier Inn. Cocoon by Catfish. She's Casual by The Hunna. Twitter bios. You getting annoyed at me for using capital letters because you always typed in lowercase. YEEET! my g. Chin. Bruise? That's what she said. Rupi Kaur. #poetry. Risqué. GIN! SIX FIGURES, I was only 4. ok den. Randoms cards you'd send me. 

So many inside jokes and details that wouldn't make sense to anyone but us. And there's so many more. We made the best memories, didn't we Ads? I know you'd love this, me writing a whole post dedicated to you on my blog! I know exactly what you'd say. "I made it." Lol, you made my life so much better. I think me having you as a friend meant that I made it. 

You're the one person I'd run down the street *barefoot* for McDonald's for - never again. I had sore soles for ages! My accommodation staff were laughing at me on the CCTV for days too. 

Your gentle, calm, considerate personality was everything I needed in a friend. I knew I could talk to you about absolutely anything, and when I was going through dark times, you were always there. You always showed up. You were always the one to message me and "check in". "Hey Tamz, just checking in." I'd instantly feel comforted, knowing that I had you. 

"So the angels will know us. Angels will know us." - Elton John. A song so special to me which I always think is a sign from you whenever I hear it.

You were that friend to everyone. You made such a lasting impact on everyone's lives in your short life. "You're not nineteen forever!" was another one of your favourite songs. You're eternally 19 my angel. Enjoy smooth talking the ladies up there. 

Reader,

hug the people you care about. Tell people that you love them. Don't waste another minute of this precious, precious life, with people who are so, so precious. Live each day with no regrets and simply, Be More Adam. We could all learn so much from him. 

Now, forever and always,

Tamzin xxx